Playing Hard to Get

As most people know, many women play ‘Hard to Get’ with guys that they like. The reasoning goes something like ‘if they really care they will stay interested’.

Honestly I do not understand how that is supposed to work. I believe that this practice is damaging to everyone involved, and even dangerous.

When someone is turned away, they have two options. They can either respect the other’s opinion and let the attachment fade. It is true that this option will be harder for someone who is more interested. The other option is to ignore the other person’s opinion and keep pursuing. This second option is the one that this practice encourages.

By definition the person who chooses this second path does not respect the person’s choices. If a relationship does form between these two people, the logical end is the pursuer (usually the man) disrespecting the target (usually the woman), the woman letting the man make all of the decisions for her, since she has already given up her control to him, or even in abuse.

The other problem that playing this game encourages is stalking. Because men know that women do this, they know that just because she said ‘no’ does not necessarily mean she meant ‘no’. This is also echoed in rape culture.

In my experience many, if not most, men are good people. It was not until I realized the repercussions of this game that I understood why women tend to think that men are jerks, or why stalkers continued pursuing the object of their affection long after they had been turned away.

Women, for your own safety, please stop this game. You are turning away the good guys. You are literally selecting the men who do not respect you. You are worth more than that.  

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